Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Change

Here are some personal thoughts, please forgive...

I've heard people say that as they listen to General Conference, they hear a general theme. I think this is right, but I think the theme everyone hears probably differs from other people, depending on what it is that they need to hear at the time.

I've been listening to General Conference on my Ipod as I exercise (I highly recommend this by the way-you can download it for free) and the theme I've heard over and over again is how much we need to focus on our primary role as parents and raising these little spirits. The more I listened to this theme being repeated over and over, the more anxiety I felt about my working situation. It's only one night per week but the day before and after my night shift I'm grumpy as I stress out about the lack of sleep. It throws off our family routine and overall is a challenge (actually I become a challenge to my family).

Last night Dennis and I both felt strongly that I should postpone my nursing career indefinitely and focus on being a mom. As soon as we decided this, I felt an overwhelming sense of joy. I literally felt overwhelmed with joy at having made this decision. Then, just as it seems to always happen, I felt a flood of doubts come into my mind. I lay awake in bed for a couple of hours as it seemed like a floodgate of doubts had been opened on my mind and I couldn't shut them off. What about our plans to pay off our mortgage early? What about our savings? Will I lose my skills as a nurse? My income from my work was only going to savings and debt elimination, but it will still create a hole in our finances. This flood of doubts actually confirmed to me further that I am making the correct decision. It seems like whenever the Spirit confirms something special and important to you, Satan moves in right after and tries to undo all that you've felt by inundating you in doubt and fear.

I remember feeling like this after I agreed to marry Dennis. I knew that whoever married Dennis would be the luckiest girl in the world but I still felt an overwhelming sense of doubt if I was to be that girl. This doubt was so consuming that I lost many nights of sleep and almost called off the wedding. One day after expressing these feelings to my dad he taught me this principle of the pattern of confirmation followed by doubt. I will always be grateful for that lesson. It scares me to think what my life would be like if I had followed those feelings of doubt and called off the wedding. Marrying Dennis was easily the best decision I've ever made in my life.

So here we go. I realize it might not seem like a big deal, but this is the first time since I've been a mom, that I've decided to be a 100% stay-at-home mom. I know some ego will have to be sacrified since I take pride in my nursing career. It will definitely be a change, but a great one, and I am thrilled.

6 comments:

jonandrachel said...

Rita, What a great post! I'm so happy for you and your family. Your dedication to listing to following the spirit is inspiring! Love you!

Cher said...

good for you, i'm sure you'll be blessed by following that prompting that is intune with what the church teaches.

Janetta said...

I think that decision will only bless your family even more. I, too, felt the parenting theme in conference the strongest, but that's what I needed to hear for myself. I taught first grade for a year before having Haysannah and have been home ever since. I've lost my teaching certificate over the years, but that's okay. When and if the time is right I will know it and I will be able to pick it back up. My family needs me right now. You will find new ways to save money because the Lord will bless you for following that prompting. What a wonderful journey you are about to embark on!

Percy said...

If your gut tells you you should do something, then do it! Congratulations on listening to your body speaking to you. Joy is a great indicator.

Robbie Chandler Fam said...

Rita that was so wonderful!! I really love the lesson of the spirt comes in and then satan will soon follow!! That is so true almost everytime!! I also love the idea of running to conference. That will help the time pass and also help the spirit stay strong! Thank you so much for sharing!

Trent and Julie said...

You are amazing!! I'm so grateful to have you as a friend and example!! p.s. Sorry I just finally added your address to my blog---I'll check yours more now!!!