Tuesday, June 29, 2010


Jimmy and his wife Eva were visiting for the last couple of days. It was so much fun having them here. I was sad to see them go, as I am whenever my family visits.

As much as I love living in Idaho, my past and adventures of living overseas seem so far distant and long ago that it sometimes feels as though they never happened. It seems there is nothing, if anything here in Idaho that resembles my childhood. At times it seems so far away, almost light years away. It feels like it was a vague dream or that perhaps it all happened to someone else other than me. That makes me so sad. I loved my childhood and the things I saw and experienced in the different countries we lived and in the people we met.

When my family is around, it reminds me that those things did happen and that they did in fact mold me into who I have become. My parents sacrifices, the many awkward first days of school in a new country, and the river of tears as we left that country for those many, many years were not in vain. I am able to reconnect to my past self and I feel more complete.

I envy Dennis being able to drive down the roads he drove down every day of his childhood and seeing the same people that have known him since he was a baby. When you live overseas and move around, you can never relive the past. You can go back to visit the countries, but because of the nature of the people you knew and the places you lived, very little, if anything remains. You go back to visit an "empty" place. It's almost as if you lived in a bubble that pops, never to be recreated, as soon as you leave it.

Yet even as your reality seems to vanish into dust as soon as you walk away (or fly away in our cases), your family remains constant. They knew the people you did and experienced the things you did. And even though people in the U.S. might look at you with a blank and sometimes indifferent look as you tell them of your childhood experiences, it's these people, your family, that can relate to who you are, your views of the world, and your irrepairable quirks that have been inherited from years of nomadism (and in my case, there are many of these quirks).

When I'm with my family, I find myself reverting back to my childhood self and enjoying a part of life that can only be enjoyed with the people that have known me my whole life. When I see them leave, I feel almost a sense of mourning as I watch my "childhood" drive away again.

Thanks Jimmy and Eva for the visit.


Cher said...

true. i understand. :)
do jimmy and eva have kids?

Rita said...

Nope, not yet. I think they want to wait until he's closer to finishing his residency. He just finished his first year.

jonandrachel said...

Love you and your family. Wish we could make it up there for another weekend visit. I still think about our visit last summer and am so glad we were able to "reconnect"...Keep writing. Love you!