My two little boys are gone for the weekend. I've been looking forward to this weekend for quite some time now. I had big plans for some me time, but I find myself thinking of them constantly and missing them like crazy. I miss Luke and Camden sneaking quietly into my bedroom just as dawn breaks and crawling into bed with me to snuggle while I lie there, still half asleep, dozing in and out, listening to Luke suck on his security blanket and Camden scratch at the eczema on his knees as we wait to hear jabbering from Lauren's room, signaling that the "Little Miss" is awake. Then they both jump out of bed and race to her room. Three excited squeals follow as the three siblings greet each other and welcome the new day.
I miss the way Luke answers yes with just his eyebrows and Camden's dimples when he smiles. I've always told him he has the best smile in Idaho. I can tell Lauren misses her brothers too. She loves her brothers despite all the grief they give her for being a King Kong in pig-tails.
Every time I've gotten away for some girl time or with Dennis, I find that as soon as my kids are out of my sight, I'm counting down the hours when they'll be back again, laughing and terrorizing each other, all at the same time.
I read a blog today about a girl who recently lost her 18 month old daughter in a drowning accident. I couldn't help but weep for this poor girl as I imagined my own children and thought what my life would be like without them. It would seem so empty and lacking in purpose. Children become a mother's lifeblood.
For as much stress as they cause me, they are everything to me. I find that being a mother has brought out the best and unfortunately the worst in me. Things I never knew existed deep inside of me have surfaced, both good and bad. Yet I praise and thank God for giving me these special spirits to lovingly and patiently accompany me through the refining process. They love me unconditionally and infinitely, despite my many, many weaknesses.
The difficult and painful process of personal refinement that comes with motherhood is sweetened by the very little ones that have put that ball into motion.
I've heard that a mother's love for her children is the most similar to God's love for us. Yet I feel as well that a child's love for his or her parent is also comparable to God's love as well. I feel God's love for me daily through their warm hugs and wet kisses. Sometimes this sweet affection comes undeservedly after a day of grumpiness and impatience on my part. So many times they have been the teachers and I have been the pupil.