I think this is the first week in a long, long time that I have felt somewhat back to normal. I decided to make some New Year's Resolutions, put them on my bathroom mirror (I saw Cristina and Stanton did that). On my list, at the very top, was to establish my own personal routine as part of my daily priorities. They are the things that over the past few months with my fatigue, nausea, and three kids, seem to have dropped off on the list of must-dos. If I'm lucky, I can get some of them in occasionally, but it has been rare for these things to get done every day, much less all on the same day. I was finding that I was putting myself very last on my list of priorities and I felt I was losing myself and slowly starting to slide down that slippery slope of motherhood blahs.
This is my list of daily personal priorities. How sad that I had to write them out and put them as New Year's Resolutions. I decided to put them on my blog as well to increase the personal accountability since it's a matter of public record now:
1-Pray twice daily.
2-Study my scriptures
4-Get dressed, showered, and ready for the day, each day.
With the first two, I felt I was slowly losing my line of communication with my Heavenly Father. Sure, I did the rushed token offerings of 30-second prayers and distracted scripture reading, but I felt He was beginning to feel like a distant friend that I hadn't talked to in months. It is unsettling and something I definitely can't afford to do when I'm raising 4 of His children. I need His help now more than I've ever needed it in my life since the stakes have never been higher.
I've also hit the gym hard again this week and it has made all the difference. I forget how much this bolsters my self-esteem and feeling of self-mastery. The track and swimming pool have never felt better. Being pregnant, I'm only at about 50% of where I was before I was pregnant in terms of strength and stamina, but either way, it felt great. I also find that I have a strong tendency towards winter-time blues and exercise is the best thing I have found to keep it away.
The last one, I thought I'd add to my list of resolutions after a conversation with Cristina when she and her family were visiting last week. Over dinner at the Olive Garden, I asked her, "Come on now, tell me honestly, since you've had Maxton, do you always get to shower every single day?"
Without missing a beat, she said, "Yes, I need to do it for me." And suddenly I felt all dingy and dirty and found myself trying to explain away all of my excuses.
Later that day I thought, really, there's no good reason to always put myself last all the time. My kids are old enough that I can lock the door for 10 minutes, take a quick shower and throw on some clothes that aren't always sweats.
I was playing myself as the martyr. I know that I'm a better mother when I've met all of my personal priorites each day, so why wasn't I doing it?
So 2011 is off to a good start, now let's just see if I can keep it that way.