Thursday, October 6, 2011
Sometimes this picture is how I feel- like a kid raising kids. Man, I screw up a lot. I find myself laying awake at night wondering how my screw ups of the day will affect my children in the long run. Then I remembered something a very wise friend told me (as you can see, I have many wise friends who I continually draw wisdom and strength from). She said that the Lord judges us simply on what our best is. And that best fluctuates throughout the day, the weeks, the years. Our best at 8am may not be our best at 10pm and we shouldn't beat ourselves up if we aren't at 10pm what we were at 8am when we were bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, as long as it's still our best. A lot happens throughout the day which affects what our best is at each moment, as is the case with the passing of the years. My best when Camden was a newborn is much different than my best with Calista as a newborn. In some ways that best is better, in some ways it's not.
As I was thinking about this again yesterday, I wondered if as the Lord was making family assingments in the pre-existence, he took into consideration what each person's best would be. Perhaps (hopefully...) he gave me children with whom my best would be enough. Enough for them to still be good, kind people despite those screw ups that keep me awake at night.
Thank goodness for children who see me and still love me for who I am, even when I'm at my weakest best.
Posted by Rita