No one is more painfully aware of my short-comings than I am. I could write a book on all the ways in which I should be better... need to be better. I can be impulsive, short-tempered, short-sighted, overly emotional, and a laundry list of other less than stellar qualities.
But I insist on self-honesty with myself, as painful as it can be. As much as I try to improve on them, my weaknesses don't define or lessen me, they are just a part of me, just the way my nose and my eyes are a part of my face.
Since becoming a mother, my favorite scripture has become, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." (Ether 12:27)
The other day Lauren was helping me clean around the house with a duster. That little girl is a cleaning machine, I tell you. But her ambition got the best of her and before I knew it, my beautiful new vase was lying shattered in a million pieces on the floor- a victim of her enthusiastic dusting- with a chip out of our brand-new hardwood floor to prove it. Instinctively I felt my blood pressure rising along with my frustration. Almost in slow-motion, I watched her apprehensive little face as she watched for my reaction, with tears welling up in her eyes. Everything inside of me wanted to scold her for her carelessness, but I knew from past experience how much I would regret it if I did. Through gritted teeth I forced myself to kneel beside her and hug her. It took a few seconds before I was able to tell her how much I appreciated her good cleaning and that the vase was just a vase that could easily be replaced. I certainly didn't want to say it, but I did anyway. Slowly, her face melted into a smile and she hugged me before skipping away.
"I passed the test," I thought, "...barely." One of my weaknesses is becoming stronger- surely, albeit slowly.
It's those types of things that make me think that maybe I can do this. Surely those whom the Lord calls to do hard things, He qualifies. Unfortunately He'll have a whole lot of qualifying to do with me, but He has in the past, I know He will in things to come.