Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Dear man from the gym,

I'm flattered... really. You have to understand that in the past thirteen and a half years since I've been married, I've only really been picked up on maybe a total of four times. And three of those times came from Mexican men who were delirious from pain killers, when I worked at the hospital.

I was in the weight room at the gym this morning when you looked over with a smile and said something flirty. I wasn't wearing my wedding ring so there's no way you could have known that I'm married. You probably thought I was Heartless Hagatha when I popped me earbuds in and walked away. I apologize for what was blatant rudeness on my part, by any standard.

As a mother of five, it's hard to feel attractive sometimes, and I would be lying if I didn't say I was flattered by the fact that I was even noticed. To your credit, you aren't bad looking. Had I been single, I might have even smiled back and said something in return. But there's something about me you don't know. A lot actually.

There's a man in my life. Not just in it, but at the heart of it. He's a small-town farm boy with calloused hands and an old pick-up truck. He loved me when I was seventeen, with braces, dyed red hair, and a unibrow. He prayed and patiently waited for over a year for me to return his love. We've gone through college together, lived in and remodeled run-down homes together, and had five children. He's listened to me when I've been a babbling idiot and loved me when I've been a hormonal lunatic. He stroked my hair and rubbed my feet when I was writhing in labor pains. He's rocked my babies to sleep and cooked dinner for me more times than I can count. He writes me love notes on my bathroom mirror. When I say he can build anything, I mean anything. In every room and corner of the house, there are things he has built that remind me of how much he loves our family. We've built a life together in the past thirteen and a half years that has more love and memories than I ever thought I'd have in a lifetime. He says he's never thought of himself as a handsome man, but to me, he is the most attractive man on Earth, and my very best friend.

Now do you see why I wouldn't- couldn't- give you the time of day? I would be the world's most delirious woman to even think that there could be greener pastures than the one I already have. I know a lot of married people who enjoy the thrill of what they see as harmless flirting. But to me, there's no such thing.

I hope your pride wasn't too wounded by my rudeness this morning. As Paul Newman once said when referring to his wife, "I have steak at home. Why should I go out for hamburger?" I'm sure being compared to hamburger when you obviously take great pride in your physique is a blow, but don't take it personally. If you knew my steak, you'd understand.

Again, my apologies.

Sincerely,

Heartless Hagatha from the gym