Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Disappointment and Patience

Today I went to the physical therapist and was told that I should consider hanging up my running shoes for good. After a year and a half of back and hip pain from my last pregnancy, I can't say I'm surprised. Disappointed though? Very much so.

Dammit.

Perhaps it makes me less of a lady for saying it, but there just aren't any other words. I cried on the drive home. Sometimes it's hard to remember to take a deep breath and keep things in perspective. I love motherhood, I really do, and there's nothing I'd rather be doing with my life. But sometimes the loss of freedoms that come with it becomes overwhelming. Running was one of the few remaining freedoms I enjoyed- the fresh air on my face, my feet in rhythm with my breaths, and my thoughts gloriously quiet.

I came across this quote yesterday, perhaps as divine preparation for what was to come today. “Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something … even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well! Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and facing it with courage, grace, and faith." -Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Apparently I'm not doing too well with the last three words of that quote.

Funny how our personal mantras change throughout our life. In my 20's, it was, "I can do anything."

Now in my 30's, maybe it needs to change to, "My limitations do not define me."

Some days I miss the lady I used to be when I look at old pictures. She seems so long ago and so far removed. But in her place, is someone that I think I like more. Albeit a few pounds heavier and not as swift on her feet. No, my limitations don't define me.

1 comment:

Cher said...

I didn't find this post depressing, I think it's rather awesome! What I can't do doesn't define me... I need to remember that too. But that does stink that you can't run when it's something you love. What exercises can you do then?