Candy and Sardines

I don't know why I just can't get enough of this little lady.  Maybe it's because after 4 kids I'm finally realizing how short this time is and that before I know it she'll be slamming doors and quarreling with her brothers and sister.

After having our third child, I settled in on the theory that anyone that had more than 3 kids seriously had to have some loose screws upstairs.  In my mind it also catapulted my mother into sainthood for having raised 8 children.

No matter how much I knew another child was waiting to join our family, I was still certain that having a fourth child would earn me a front row seat to the Heckofalottakids Crazy Club.  But here it is and I could watch her all day, furiously wiggling her toes and bubbling spit as she concentrates with eyebrows furrowed on the task in her pudgy little hands.  Usually it's trying to eat something twice the size of her head.

Last night while Dennis was out playing racquetball, I taught the kids how to play Sardines.  I loved hearing their squeals and giggles throughout the house as we played.  I told them about how when Luke was little we starting to play hide-and-seek together.  It was amazing how he could sit so quietly for so long when we were playing starting as young as 18 months.  I told them how there were times when the only way I could figure out where he was hiding was to call out, "Hey, Lukester!  I have some candy for you."  Then I'd hear a mad scramble from wherever he was hiding as he'd call out, "Coming!!!"

They got a good laugh out of that.  A few minutes later while Lauren and I were hiding, the boys were becoming frustrated that they couldn't find us.  Pretty soon I heard Camden call out, "Hey, Lauren!  We have candy for you!"  From the darkened laundry room where we were hiding, she shot me a look with wide eyes and opened her mouth to claim her stake on the candy goods. I told her to hush and that her brothers were just teasing her.  She squirmed a little and settled back down, obviously disappointed and disgusted that they would do such a mean thing.

About 30 seconds later, I heard the second call, "Lauren!!!  Where are you?  We have the candy!"  Once again she wiggled and whimpered wanting so badly to call out to them.  I reminded her again that it was just a trick.  She pouted her lip and let out a little, "Hummph."

Finally on their third promise of candy, she decided she couldn't stand it any longer and shot to her feet and squealed, "OOOOOOOkay guys!" as she burst out of the laundry room.

What a disappointment.  No candy in sight and two brothers practically rolling on the floor laughing.

So we settled for two-day old cream-filled cupcakes that I had made (which tasted awful) and another good laugh.

...And that's the rest of the story

This reflects the way most people feel about the following subject.  

Please consider yourself  fully disclosed.

A girl can only listen to so many Taylor Swift remixes and perverted DJ's on the radio.  So I made the switch to the one station that in the click of a button not only aged me 15 years but surfaced yet one more of my father's genes.  Talk radio.

What intrigues me the most is the chance to hear someone's point of view that given my everyday life as a busy mother of 4, would never happen otherwise.

Take this issue for instance:  whether people infected with HIV should be required to notify their partners of their diagnosis.  I used to think the issue was a no-brainer-- hardly worth arguing.  Of course someone should notify their partners of the chance that they might become infected with a life-threatening virus.  The right to privacy is not superseded by the right to live.   End of story.  But after listening to a compelling 15 minute segment with bullet-proof reasoning as to why it could create more potentially lethal problems than it would ward off, I now stand where I used to think only half-brained fanatics stood.  

Hmmmm...interesting.  That got me wondering what else I may have bought into when I hadn't bothered listening to the other side of the story.

As expected, much of talk radio focuses on the unfolding political scene.  I feel sometimes that I'm seen as a blasphemer of all things conservative by voicing my political views, many of which are supportive of Obama.  I'm a far cry from being any sort of political expert. I’m more of a wannabe enthusiast.  But with so many of the media sources muddled in outrageous biases, it's a little hard to tell the difference between what Obama passed through and what came out as a legislative belch from the belly of a hissy-fit-throwing Congress. 

Immediately after he was elected I saw a large movement on Facebook claiming that the apocalypse had just gone underway.  We had just elected the anti-Christ.  As the good, conservative, Christian girl I thought I should be, I had believed a few of the grossly embellished tall tales and emails about the havoc that this non-American, terrorist-advocating heathen would wreak upon American soil.  Stories about him advocating live-birth abortions, funding terrorist movements, raising gun taxes to outlandish proportions, ending the war in Iraq 30 days after coming into office, vowing to squelch any allegiance to God or the American flag were just a few of the swarming rumors.  


After foolishly believing one of the hair-brained emails, which I'm ashamed to admit led me to vote for a nominee I didn't even like, I swore that never again would I buy into the garbage that so often circulates among fanatics and believers of all things WWW.  I felt insulted and a little betrayed that someone would think I was daft enough to buy into that kind of nonsense, which apparently I was.  So in a partly "Oh-no-you-didn't" (*insert head bob with hand on hip*) retaliation to those emails, I decided I'd listen to what he had to say with different ears.  And by golly, who woulda thunk...it wasn't all that bad.

Bill Maher summed up my feelings when he said, "I want to just take a moment to thank the Teabaggers.  Thank you so much for helping us pass health care, for resurrecting the Obama presidency.  I know they're saying, 'Why are you thanking me?  I was so against it, I marched on Washington with tea bags hanging off my Founding Fathers costume, with a gun on my hip and a picture of Obama dressed as Hitler, screaming about his birth certificate.'  And America saw that and said, 'I think I'll go with the calm black man.'"

As much as I enjoy learning about politics, my opinions are fairly superficial, gleaned from reading news websites and listening to NPR. While I advocate many Republican values, the little bit of hippie in me gravitates towards many of the Democratic platforms as well.  It's interesting to me to listen to those who covenant to only support those with the (R) (or (D) for that matter) next to their name and then blast Obama because of what he stands for in terms of ethics.  Does that mean if Gingrich became the Republican nominee- who is a reported adulterer, who stands a fortune in debt, and who lacks the support of his former Republican constituents- that he would be the more ethically sound alternative to a man who has been married to his wife longer than most politicians and who grows a garden on the White House grounds?  (That's a "He** no!" from this Republican Hippie.) 

Paul Harvey used to sum up each of his segments with "...and that's the rest of the story."  But I don't think anyone has the rest of the story when it comes to this.  Each story is too tainted by biased reports and cultural dogmas.   While we may never know the rest of the story, it would serve us all well to at least listen to the other side of the story.

Days like today

Just when I think I've got myself figured out I go and have a day like today.  For the past few days we've all either had a nasty stomach bug or a killer head cold- the kind that makes you want to stay in bed all day sulking with a box of tissues and a humidifier.  That combined with lack of sleep and a raging case of cabin fever started me off on the wrong foot this morning, to put it mildly.  That same wrong foot marched me right on through most of the afternoon too.  With a pounding head and a water faucet for sinuses, all I wanted to do was crawl back in bed and hibernate until March.  


As Dennis headed out the door to go to church, I wanted to sit right down on my pity pot and have myself a party.  


Why, when I feel so dog-gone miserable and Dennis is gone, do my kids seem needier than ever?  


Lauren with her endless nonsensical jabbering, Camden and Luke hollering over who's turn it was at the Hot Wheels track, and Calista getting irritated with being ignored through it all.  


For crying out loud, why can't I ever have myself a real sick day- or a couple for that matter?  A few days where I can check out and read books, and do whatever it is that floats my boat until I get to feeling better?  


After biting off a few heads I decided I needed to keep my mouth shut and keep to myself as much as possible.  So while Calista was napping I was reading a book on photography and decided some camera therapy might be just what I needed.


It's amazing how looking at things through a little plastic lens, even if just for a few minutes, can bring things all back into focus- both literally and figuratively speaking.  And suddenly, things didn't seem quite so bad after all.

Calista checking out her own image on the computer as I worked on the editing.

My little sis

This past week my sister, Cristina and her family came to visit after Christmas.  When we were kids the poor thing endured more than her fair share of dress-up sessions.  I guess things don't change much in 25 years.

I had been thinking for a while that it would be fun to take some 1950's style pictures and as I plotted on who I could ask, she kept coming to mind.  Being the great little sister that she is, she once again let me talk her into getting dolled up, this time in 50's style clothes and hair, and allow me to take pictures of her.  She is such a beauty.  I only wish I had the skills to do her full justice.  Once again, please excuse my very, very embarassingly-so amateur photography skills.   Here are some of my favorite pictures that we took.

New Year's Resolution

I recently saw this quote on the kitchen counter of a friend.  When I read it, it stopped me in my tracks and it left me thinking for the rest of the day.  I've decided to make internalizing this quote my only New Year's Resolution for 2012.  


"We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives.  We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us.  We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something.  We have to learn to be content with what we are."
-Marjorie Pay Hinckley-

What an amazing woman, this Marjorie Pay Hinckley.  As I browsed through her quotes on a website in search for this one, I decided I need to learn more about this lady.  

As for the pictures below, they really don't relate in anyway to the post.  I was just looking through some pictures from last year and realized that there's a bit of a pattern in Luke's reaction as soon as he sees me take out the camera.

Advice to my sons

Disclaimer:  Here is long-winded, preachy post #2.  Skip ahead if feeling weary.

I realized after I posted the advice for my daughters, that there is so much that I would want to say to my sons.  Mothers have a special place in their heart for their sons.  While the feminist movement has it's place, it has done quite the job at cheapening and emasculating men.  As I watch commercials on TV and read news articles, I'm amazed at how often men are made to look like morons who wouldn't last a day in this world without women to baby them and provide for them.  I want my boys to know that just as women are powerful forces to be reckoned with, so are they. The world would not turn without the men in our lives.  

So here is the advice for the little men in my life, also split up into categories as I did for my girls.

GOD

-Cherish your priesthood.  Just as women are endowed with the power to create, righteous men have been endowed with the power to act in His name.

-Don’t sell your integrity for something as cheap as money or the trivial approval of others. 

-No matter what the world tries to tell you, values don’t change, only people do. 

FRIENDSHIP

-Always be willing to give others the benefit of the doubt.

-When you’re struggling to love someone, step back and see them as someone’s son or daughter, brother or sister. (learned from watching your Grandpa Hawkes)

-Standing up for what’s right doesn’t get any easier as you get older if you never did it when you were younger.

-“Be nice to nerds.  Chances are you’ll end up working for one.”  (Bill Gates)

-Be cautious with your words.  Once said, they can never be fully withdrawn no matter how sincere the apology.

ON BECOMING A MAN

-Make sure you always have a physical, emotional, and creative outlet.

-...and videogaming does not count as a legit hobby.

-A man’s masculinity will never shine brighter than when he’s changing a diaper or rocking a baby to sleep.

-The art of being a true gentleman is never old-fashioned and will never be outdated.

-Your father and both of your grandfathers blessed you with phenomenal examples of work ethic. Your father fried doughnuts at 4am for months to pay for my engagement ring.  You are never too good for any type of work.

-I’d rather you be a B or C student with many interests and abilities than a straight A student with none. 

-Develop athletic abilities that you can continue to enjoy as an adult.

-If you decide you don’t want to become an Eagle Scout, then so be it.  But either way, stay involved in scouting.

-Having sisters offers you the opportunity to begin to understand the female mind.   Seize the day.

-Don’t feel threatened by others with differences in opinions or lifestyles.  I have felt the Spirit strongly in a mosque in Indonesia and seen beauty in a disfigured face. What good would Mahatma Ghandi been in India had he been Mormon?  What would have been Mother Theresa’s scope of influence had she not been a nun? 

-For heaven’s sake, please don’t believe things just because you’re told they are so.  With everything from faith to politics, find out for yourself.

-Defend your siblings fiercely.

-Men are to stories about scars what women are to stories about their children’s births.  Sit back, relax, and learn to smile and nod.

-Emergency preparedness is more than the hundreds of dollars you may have spent on portable toilets and MRE’s.  It’s resourcefulness with what you already have. 

HOME AND FAMILY

-Wrestle with your children.

-After you are married, move away from home and develop your own family culture, independent of the expectations of parents and in-laws.

-Tradition and culture have their place but don’t be afraid to break free from what’s not working for you.

-Open your eyes to the magic of childhood.  They are not little adults and shouldn’t be treated as such.

-The evil nature of pornography cannot be overstated.  It will shatter your wife's trust.

- Don’t be another child for your wife to have to care for.  Man up.

-After you get married, your wife becomes the woman in your life.  We (your parents and siblings) will move into the ring of extended family.  Your family now comes first.

-Never let a day go by when your wife and children don’t hear you say, “I love you.”

-Greet your children with kisses, even your sons.

-Let your wife be involved in the financial well being of your home by managing the finances.

-You are the head of the home.  But remember that there is a neck that turns the head. (Courtesy of My Big Fat Greek Wedding)

-If being a mother is your wife’s full time job, allow her sick days and vacation days, just as you would expect from your full time job.

-There are so many men who refuse to change diapers.  So help me if you try to pull that crap on your wife.  If you were a willing participant in the conceiving of the child, then you’d better be a willing participant in the caring of the child. 

-Nothing endears a husband to a wife more than a man who really listens and talks.  She often has little to no adult conversation throughout the day.

-Encourage your wife to pursue an education, hobbies, and a social life. 

-A society is only as good as the mothers within that society.  That being said, women are encouraged to be who they are by the men in their lives.

LOVE

Dating

-When it comes to wooing women, never underestimate the power of a man who smells good.

-As you're dating, remember that women are the masters of disguise.  I could tell you stories about some of the girls I knew.

 -Be cautious (or better yet, steer clear) of the girls who are aggressive pursuers.

-Guard your virtue.

-Let women know that you want them to be virtuous.  Back this up by complimenting her modesty and watching where you put your eyes.

Marriage

-Never stop wanting to impress your wife.

-In a marriage, if each partner determines to have an 80-20 relationship (with themselves giving the 80%) instead of the usual 50-50, you’ll have a 160% marriage. (Advice given to your parents by their stake president when they were about to get married)

-Find a hobby to share with your wife.

-There is infinite wisdom in letting your wife get her hair done. 

-After you’re married, keep female friends at a safe distance.  Contrary to what the world will tell you, there’s no such thing as “healthy flirting” with other women after you’re married.

-Watch where you put your eyes.  Women have a 6^th sense when it comes to knowing where their husband’s eyes are. 

-Just as men connect physically, women connect emotionally.  Neglect her emotionally and you’ll have a void the size of the Grand Canyon in your marriage.

-Many women have a fragile self-esteem, especially after having a baby.  Reassure her that you love it all- the stretch marks, the sagging skin… all of it.  They are her battle scars that she earned while fulfilling the greatest measure of the female creation and bringing into this world what will be your greatest joy.

Well, that’s it.   If I had to condense this all into one piece of advice, it would be to closely observe and model their own father.  That would be enough to make them into every bit of the man I could ever hope they would be.

Holding up mirrors

The other night, the moment I have been dreading for the past 7 1/2 years finally came.  As I was cutting Camden's hair in my bathroom he kept holding his hands up, pressing in his ears against his head as he watched himself in the mirror.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Just seeing what I would look like if my ears were folded in more, closer to my head," he said.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because some of the kids at school make fun of me because my ears stick out more than theirs do."

Oh, boy.  I knew the day would come when he became self-conscious about this or that and it always broke my heart to think of it.

I have a love/hate relationship with this growing up business.  Self-showering, better reasoning, no diapers- those are all perks.  But the self-consciousness, the awareness of an unforgiving world around them, the  loss of innocence- those are all things I would happily do without.

I have reason to be grateful though.  To my little boy, forts made out of blankets are still mystical caves. Jumping off his bunk bed using the diapers he stole from his sister's room will serve as parachutes and float him gently to the ground.  Holding on to helium balloons can make someone fly far, far away.  Christmas Eve is still the most magical day of the year and his mama is the only woman in his life.

As I talked to him about how Heavenly Father made us each beautifully different,  how people who bring others down to elevate themselves are not to be paid any mind,  and how tough experiences make us stronger and more compassionate- he listened to me with wide, watchful eyes.

With simple faith he believed me and within seconds his insecurity was forgotten as the conversation turned to paper airplanes and his second best friend's upcoming birthday party.

These are the moments that as mothers we pray that we will be prepared for when they come.  Knowing how to use these fleeting moments as tools of empowerment to make them stronger without coddling or deferring.

As he held up the hand mirror to examine the back of his head after I finished cutting his hair, I thought how I wished he could carry a little hand mirror around with him and see himself as I see him whenever the doubts begin to creep in.  To see himself as the bright, thoughtful, resourceful, beautiful little man that he really is.